Quietly Amorey

 Working Quietly

I used to never look at or even admit my discontent and frustration, all my energies were directed to other things but frustration did not go away of course, it was there and I was just pretending it was not. Then I understood that I needed to look at my discontent and face frustration and for that I need spend some time alone. For it is frightening to enter such solitary times. It is as if I must step through a minefield before I can be safe again, so it's no wonder I was trying to avoid making this journey and was keeping busy. Now I have walked through my fear for a week and suddenly I re-discovered my creativity, new ideas are slowly forming inside me to tell me what I need to get back on my two feet. I am still scared so I try to remember and live by what I always say to others when they are sad.... "there is always a reason to smile..." but I may need a few more tears, hope you don't mind.

Suddenly I discovered my life again. Free time, deep relaxing sleep, friends that are surprising me with words and smiles I was too busy to notice before. Peace is when time is not a problem. Time does appear to slow down and I can hear things I was blocking , a full orchestra of feelings now playing in harmony rather then single instruments. It's not easy, I am taking one day at the time and I do find myself crying but also smiling at the memories I hold into my heart, people, names, words, faces, dramas, all is playing again in front of me. It's been quite a journey that started over five years ago when I  started playing Lord Of The Rings Online. Now I can finally show myself and let my history add up. Experiences that did enrich me as a human being. Now I am at ease because it's ok to be *one* again, I don't need to hide behind Amorey the little cute hobbit, I AM Amorey! . Crying is a great healer so a few more tears will be necessary before can feel better however I am slowly getting there. Old walls have crumbled and new *walls of light* will need to be built.


Quite an odd week really - I kept myself busy,  working on some of my little paintings , trying to relax between phone calls and meetings . The first chunk on the money for  the  new home has been transferred,  almost there, almost there. Other things have been on my mind, friends, people, words and feelings.   Non  having a lot of time for gaming but always finding time to be  with friends.  Reading  a book  and planning  how I want to be my new home to look. Missing friends that are not there, keeping those that still are very close to my heart. Feeling sleepy, feeling quietly Amorey, good thing the weekend is almost here.

Feeling sleepy

 Quietly Amorey


Dinkum Tanglepike said...

love the sketches! cery creative...think you could do Dinkum in a wide brimmed hat with dangling corks and thongs? *grins*

Leilani said...

Thanks Dink, I'll see what I can do about the hat with the cork and thongs :)

Daysi said...

So many times I hear people hush others not to cry, like there is something wrong with it. Nothing at all wrong with crying, tears are nature's little helpers and the path to helping a person heal. Who wouldn't want someone to heal and feel better? I always pull someone into a hug and encourage them to cry, cause I always want everyone to feel better. *hugs to all*

Leilani said...

My dearest Daysi, your words are so true and right *nods* thank you kindly for taking the time to read my little thoughts *hugs* and welcome